I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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