my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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