how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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