yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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