i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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