i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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