She's like a pop up book from hell.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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