There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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