I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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