I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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