there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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