dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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