remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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