we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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