She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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