Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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