Where did you get a picture of my penis
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We need to get me chipped asap
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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