My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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