Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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