There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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