thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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