Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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