Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she was so not down for the gang bang
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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