Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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