...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize