it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
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When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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