I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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