so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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