I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry about my life...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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