I can tuck mytits in my pants
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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