Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize