god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
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You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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