One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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