She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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