I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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