So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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