dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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