Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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