I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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