Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i already hear my dad disowning me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize