His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize