you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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