Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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