I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
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You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
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and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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