my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize