I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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