i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
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This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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