When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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