I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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