Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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