Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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