Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize